Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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