Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
