I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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