maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
