I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
