I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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