Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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