I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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