As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
