Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
