Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
whose parrot is this?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
