there was a trapeze. enough said
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
