My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
whose ass print is on the piano?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
