So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
