Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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