I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
