Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I need to wash the frat house off of me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
