The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
