I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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