I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
