I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
