im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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