i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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