I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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