dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
