Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
