did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
