chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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