it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
