i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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