Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My butt remains clenched, sir.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
