Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
