I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
