there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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