Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
