I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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