Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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