i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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