I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
