i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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