maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
