My friends, they love my intelligence
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
