I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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