lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Randomize
