This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
