What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
