He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
