he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I had your ass I would rule the world
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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