FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
is wine microwaveable?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Did I show you my penis last night?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
