Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
