I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
