wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
