youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize